NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
