The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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