I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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