I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
