Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
