Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
