Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
where are you?
Hypothermia
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
