Are we in a gay sports bar?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
