I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
