even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
