hotel room ftw
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
