how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
