please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
