dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
