Me. At least after what I've been through.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need to calm my uterus...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
