Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I've blown a few things in my day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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