ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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