he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it's great music for shaving your balls
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
