I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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