did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
