she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
