My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
