new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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