This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
