"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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