Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
