3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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