Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
