After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
