good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
