i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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