she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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