So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
