i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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