After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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