I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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