is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
