david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
