Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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