Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
