Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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