Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
