so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
