so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
