no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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