No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
