I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
