Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
