You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
