you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
