Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
