if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
