Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
